I have to say that I am not wholly in disagreement with Greg when he points out my quirks about the porch. I have a strange, irrational fear of things being outside. Something about objects outside completely unprotected from the elements really disturbs me. I’ve only recently begun to accept patio furniture. But it took living with someone to realize that this is “weird.” One of the things I feel bad about, even to this day, was when I was young and an only child, my parents and uncle bent over backwards to spoil me. One day, they spent all day constructing a tire swing and placing it on the tree in the backyard. They thought it would make me happy. Instead, I spent all night disturbed by the fact that there was something in the yard and the next day, I begged them to take it down.
Okay, so, like I said, I never realized this was “crazy.”
BUT… I do somewhat believe Greg to be the opposite end of the spectrum regarding this. Maybe you former roomates of Greg can help me understand this, but here’s a brief (but growing) list of things that have at one point or another made their way outside.
1. A large wooden display shelf meant to be used for decorative pieces.
2. INDOOR dining room chair cushions.
3. That wood table he described, obviously made for the INDOORS.
NOTE: #2 and #3 are both completely waterlogged and damaged from the first time he put them outside. What gets me is, then he asks, “Darn it! What HAPPENED to these?”
4. Cases of beer. As is.
5. Packets of seeds.
6. Wedding favors.
7. A spice rack with test tubes full of spices, but not really trustworthy, because the spices are labeled, “Dreams, Hope, Ambition, Love…etc.” (Where do you even GET something like that?)
8. Baskets. Tons and tons of baskets.
NOTE: #8. One of these baskets, I had put together for him as a gift basket from opening night of the Delaware Shakespeare Festival’s As You Like It one and a half years ago. I filled it with his favorite candy and knickknacks and love notes and other sappy things. I asked him why it was on the porch. The answer: “Baskets BELONG on the porch.” and “Why are you worried? Rain can’t get to it.” Apparently I’m getting in the way of this basket fulfilling it’s duty as a basket.
I just have to say that the one day I secretly brought the basket in, I pulled out a damp handkerchief that at one point served a decorative purpose, about a dozen or so rain-soaked, slimy mini-reeses cups and a few handfuls of wet paper.
This message made me laugh for about a half an hour.
I agree for the most part about stuff getting ruined outside. While I do not share your “weird” and “crazy” fear of all things being outside, (for example, I would consider a tire swing something that inherently lives outside : ) I do think that lots of things that may add a touch of class or decorative appeal to an outside area (such as chair cushions, wood furniture, etc.) just are not made to withstand weather and will be destroyed.
Perhaps some comprimises to this issue would be: more weather resistant cusioning, actual outdoor furniture (weather-treated wood)…
But, seriously- I don’t know who ever said baskets were meant to live outside, and what purpose can shelves full of fake spices and knick-knacks serve on the porch??
Greg, you should try outlining your points in a convenient numerical format as well : )
SPICES Labeled Hopes, Dreams and Ambitions….throw that shit out!!!! NOW!!! Un-Effing-Acceptable. Who ever thought that would be a good marketing idea should be put out of their misery.
Selena, you continue to crack me up. Poor tire swing!!!