I am draining the battery of my laptop as I write this because Selena and I are sitting in a power outage. Times like this, with the internet down, cell phone batteries dying, food in the fridge thawing and candles burning out I am reminded… I really need to work on our Zombie Contingency Plan.
They dont want you to have a plan
The Zombie Contingency Plan is a very simple premise: In the off chance that zombies start attacking our town, are we prepared?
I have given way too much thought to this.
Plan A would be to get the hell out of town. We’d have to meet up first. So, the real issue with our current plan is not yet having figured out where we would rendezvous if we were out of the house or at work when the zombies began their flesh-eating assault.
Still, despite not having all the details of Plan A sorted out, we have a Plan B. That would be hunkering down in our condo and waiting out the undead onslaught. The questions regarding this plan are about inventory: do we have enough dry goods, water, candles, blankets, etc. Last thing we want is to have to go shopping or scavenging or looting for bottled water and batteries while martial law is authorized and undead are roaming the streets.
You might note that neither of these hypothetical scenarios involve actually taking on the zombies. I would not be opposed to the idea, and would consider joining a mob with that intent, provided it had strong and strategic leadership. Unless necessary, I would prefer to not go it alone, having absolutely no training in fighting the undead.
Power’s back on now. There will be no zombie attack tonight. Still, it worth ironing out the details of a Zombie Contingency Plan. What’s yours?
You have to talk to Austin about this- he’s always figuring out ways we can fight the zombies. Our main plan is to head out to his family’s farm where we have a better chance of fighting back. It’s good to plan ahead for such occurrences.
All you need to know about surviving a zombie attack: http://www.thinkgeek.com/books/humor/7838/
That book sounds like a must-read for even the casual Zombie Survivalist. Thanks for the link, Paul.
My plan would probably involve some combination of peeing my pants, screaming like a 5 year old girl, and being eaten. Hmmm. Maybe I need a new plan.
Out of all the scary monsters, zombies are the worste. It is not too bad when they are portrayed as sluggish, and dopey. But there was one movie when the undead sprinted. What the hell?!?! I am slow & clumsy, like the first zombies, so I would not stand a chance. When I join the army of the undead. My friends & I will come to your place, incase you go with Plan B.
Oopsies. Zombies are scary, but Shawn of the Dead is one of my favorite movies. Who would think to use a Sade album as a weapon or a field hockey stick? Plus, they hid in a bar, the Winchester, drank beer, listened to Queen and played pool. Sounds like a good time to me.
Definately read Max Brooks
Sorry, my last post got cut short by an unforeseen frozen BlackBerry situation.
Definitely read Max Brooks’ Survival Guide. I’m happy to lend it to you, but you really should have a copy of your own. The most useful kernel of information I took away from it is that zombies can’t climb, so the easiest way to ensure your safety in the event of a zombie attack is to get yourself onto an upper floor of a building and destroy or remove the stairs. I have to admit, we took this into consideration when making our recent condo purchase – our spiral staircase can be removed by unscrewing about 20 bolts.
Perhaps you can find a butcher who can give you frozen cow brains to keep in your freezer…but before you freeze them, marinate them in something that might cause the zombies to really die…poison of some sort. Or maybe a mixture of chemicals that when combined would cause an explosion…one brain in X chemical, another in Y chemical and when those greedy bastards eat them both, they explode!!!
Me…my plan is to hide in my harry potter closet!
It totally depends on the zombie. If we’re talking “28 Days Later” raging, adrenaline pumping creatures then you’re pretty much f’ed in a tight population zone. Depends on how early on you were aware of what was happening and could prepare. Of course there’s the argument that they’re not really zombies, but rather infected people. But who would stop to argue? The standard, undead zombie would be a lot easier to deal with.
D.C. is not a bad city to be in with all the fortified buildings where you could hole up. Department of Labor building is the first place I’m going. High walls all around the outside. Weak points would be easily defended/barricaded. With supplies and a decent arsenal you could totally hold out for a while. At least until I could break out and head for the family farm.
I’ve put entirely too much thought into this.
I really have nothing to add, other than to say this may just be the greatest blog post/comment thread ever. I am finding all of you guys and following your lead whenever the zombies attack!
[...] our book club, Selena and I are both reading my Zombie Contingency Plan. I realize now how naïve and foolish I was when I made that [...]