Baby Danielle

Twenty two years ago my aunt and uncle gave my brother and I the opportunity to watch my new baby cousin while they went out to an event with my parents. I was 12 at the time, old enough to babysit, provided things went relatively smoothly.

They did not.

Baby Danielle started teething that night, which meant she started crying inconsolably.  We tried all the usual things like bottles and swaddling, then moved on to unusual things: I remember taking out her the earrings from her newly pierced ears, thinking that might help.

Finally, I gave up, called the social hall where my parents and aunt and uncle were (this is 1988, well before cell phones), got whatever person picked up to go get my uncle (in retrospect, no idea how that worked out), and when he was on the line yelled:

“This baby is a pain in the butt!”

My aunt, uncle parents then left the event early and came home.

Baby Kaylee

Fast forward two decades and I have a wonderfully calm baby that only cries when she’s hungry or uncomfortable, both easily remedied… until this past Friday evening.

I was watching Kaylee while Selena was getting her Jason Statham fix watching The Expendables. It was smooth for the first hour, then suddenly she woke and started crying a cry of immense pain.

I tried: bottles, pacifiers, teething rings, stuffed animals, swaddling blankets, socks, lack of blankets or socks, sitting, standing, lying, rocking, being held, in her swing, in her Bumbo, in her playland, different outfits, no outfit, watching TV, in a quiet room, in the bright light, in the dark, outside, inside, being talked to, being sung to, being changed and being burped. All to no avail.

At that point my mind was shouting “Now, THIS baby is a pain in the butt!” and I realized I was reverting to my 12 year old self, and that I needed help.

But, instead of calling Selena home from her movie, I called my in-laws who live on the other side of the neighborhood and were happy to come over and support. In the end, Kaylee cried herself to sleep in grandpa’s arms.

I kinda hoped that with 22 years to reflect on it, I would have done better when I encountered a teething baby again.