Baby Danielle

Twenty two years ago my aunt and uncle gave my brother and I the opportunity to watch my new baby cousin while they went out to an event with my parents. I was 12 at the time, old enough to babysit, provided things went relatively smoothly.

They did not.

Baby Danielle started teething that night, which meant she started crying inconsolably.  We tried all the usual things like bottles and swaddling, then moved on to unusual things: I remember taking out her the earrings from her newly pierced ears, thinking that might help.

Finally, I gave up, called the social hall where my parents and aunt and uncle were (this is 1988, well before cell phones), got whatever person picked up to go get my uncle (in retrospect, no idea how that worked out), and when he was on the line yelled:

“This baby is a pain in the butt!”

My aunt, uncle parents then left the event early and came home.

Baby Kaylee

Fast forward two decades and I have a wonderfully calm baby that only cries when she’s hungry or uncomfortable, both easily remedied… until this past Friday evening.

I was watching Kaylee while Selena was getting her Jason Statham fix watching The Expendables. It was smooth for the first hour, then suddenly she woke and started crying a cry of immense pain.

I tried: bottles, pacifiers, teething rings, stuffed animals, swaddling blankets, socks, lack of blankets or socks, sitting, standing, lying, rocking, being held, in her swing, in her Bumbo, in her playland, different outfits, no outfit, watching TV, in a quiet room, in the bright light, in the dark, outside, inside, being talked to, being sung to, being changed and being burped. All to no avail.

At that point my mind was shouting “Now, THIS baby is a pain in the butt!” and I realized I was reverting to my 12 year old self, and that I needed help.

But, instead of calling Selena home from her movie, I called my in-laws who live on the other side of the neighborhood and were happy to come over and support. In the end, Kaylee cried herself to sleep in grandpa’s arms.

I kinda hoped that with 22 years to reflect on it, I would have done better when I encountered a teething baby again.

Around the time Kaylee was born, I just wasn’t sleeping comfortably, and thought of our friend Alex’s super comfortable bed which had a feather mattress on it. I told Greg I wanted one. His reaction was kind of ‘whatever.’ So we settled on a layer of memory foam that seemed to fit our needs.

Since then, Greg disappears into a different world every night. There is no waking him. Here are some things he has slept through:

Kaylee crying.

Sookie barking.

Sookie coming into the bed with us for a few weeks because I was trying to avoid Sookie barking and waking the baby.

Sookie bringing her treats into bed and burying them under a sleeping Greg to save for later.

Sookie bouncing onto Greg and licking his face, arm, etc, every time she got into bed with us because she is excited to be there.

Sookie getting untrained from coming into the bed where I let her bark for an hour one night, but held fast and didn’t let her in anymore.

That subsequent week where Sookie barked and whined every night because I was trying to untrain her.

Sookie getting mad and scratching at Greg and the bed.

And here’s the true testament to the magical powers of the memory foam. This morning, Greg slept through an EARTHQUAKE, and Sookie barking because of it.

Greg has a convenient excuse now of the memory foam. He’ll hear about things from me the next morning, and he’ll say, “Really? Memory foam.” One morning, he dug a treat out from under him and groggily asked, “Where did this come from?” I’ve told him that someday, I’m going to start making up stories and placing random objects in bed, and he would be none the wiser.

All friends of Sookie, potential friends of Sookie, four-legged or two-legged are welcome! We hope to see you Saturday. Just show up!

Our dear friend Annie Hall coined a great phrase that has become more and more relevant these days. When her friend had a new baby, Annie astutely noted that she was not so unlike a prisoner of war that was being held captive by her “baby terrorist.” “The terrorist” was keeping her friend sleep-deprived. She was no longer able to eat unless “the terrorist” allowed it. She didn’t bathe much anymore and was constantly covered in filth, all thanks to “the terrorist.”

It definitely comes to mind during my mornings at home when I’m starved and I’m pleading with the baby terrorist to stop fussing long enough for me to have something to eat. Or when Greg tells me, “You look good. I’m just not used to you looking good these days…” In that particular instance, the only difference was that I had run a comb through my hair that morning. I was still in sweats. I guess it doesn’t take much to look better than I usually look these days.

Well, I would continue on this post, but the baby terrorist calls.

What Kaylee thinks of being left home with dad.

Selena deserves a night out with her friends, she hasn’t done so since Kaylee was born. So, she’s off to SATC2 and I’m going to be watching Kaylee alone, and what better way to be attentive to my daughter than to live blog the experience. (Note: it would have been way irresponsible to actually live blog , so I’ve sync’d up the times with the thoughts and actions after the fact).  Here we go:

4:37pm – Dropped Selena off at the theatre to watch Sex and the City 2. Heading home with Kaylee.

5:12pm – Got home, Kaylee’s resting in her pack and play.  This isn’t so bad.

5:19pm – Here comes the crying

5:23pm – Sookie is using Kaylee’s whaling as a distraction to steal pacifiers, burp cloths or anything else of the baby’s not bolted down.

5:34 pm – Kaylee’s crying persists. Changing the diaper was not enough. Really hope this isn’t about the diaper rash as that could go non-stop all night.

5:36pm – Remembering that Selena asked if I had her step-mom’s phone number just in case. I said no and then she never gave it to me. Kaylee continues to cry.

5:38pm – Hoping she’s hungry, trying a bottle.
6:05 pm – I like feeding cause it’s brainless and I can watch TV while I do it. Tonight,  I see there’s a Two and a Half Men marathon. There are probably a lot better things to put on, but this episode has Ming-Na Wen guest starring.  I’ve liked her since Joy Luck Club.

6:12pm – All this feeding Kaylee reminds me that I’m hungry myself.  Baby first.

6:15 pm – Kaylee’s all fed and still screaming. WTF!

6:28 pm – Moving crying Kaylee to her carrier, it’s like a reverse backpack that I wear. I hoping she’s quiet with the motion.

6:32pm – It’s working, Kaylee is calming, now Sookie is ramping up. Debating walking her now, which I should, or eating first cause I’m starving.

6:38 pm – Nice, neighbor dog and Sookie’s favorite playmate, Saint, is in their front yard. The decision is made; I’m holding off dinner and taking advantage of having Kaylee in her carrier and an immediate outlet for Sookie’s energy out front.

7:04 pm –Sookie is spent, even fed her too (sadly, a year into being a pet owner, that’s not always a given that I remember to do that). Now to my own food. Kaylee is falling asleep in carrier.

7:19 pm – Kaylee’s is sleeping now, even able to move her from the carrier to the pack and play. Enjoyed my own dinner, leftover enchiladas. Damn they were good. Wondering if I should go clean up the kitchen or enjoy the moment of silence.

7:24pm – Took the moment of silence, five minues of silence actually.  Now, cleaning up the kitchen.

7:37pm – Kitchen’s clean, living room’s clean, Kaylee is still sleeping, Sookie is starting to stink. Dare I take on washing the dog?

7:41pm – Kaylee awoke, but was soothed back to sleep with the pacifier. I think I dare.  Setting up the minotor’s so I can hear Kaylee from the basement. C’mon Sookie, it’s bath time.

7:50 pm – Mid-bath for Sookie, Kaylee’s cries started coming in over the monitor, so had to make haste. Sookie’s darting around the house ringing herself out, but smells so much better now.

7:53 pm – Wow, this pacifier really works. I may be able to watch the Flyers game tonight even.

8:04pm – But not yet, have to do something about Sookie, she going absolutely nuts, sprinting back and forth on the couch.  Putting her in her crate.

8:10pm – Now, I’m finding my groove, Kaylee is calmly sucking on the pacifier, Sookie is calming her in crate, I am watching an incredible hockey game and going through mail and paying bills during breaks in the action.

8:24pm – Muting the hockey game to read Kaylee my favorite Little Golden Book, The Monster at the End of this Book.

8:36pm – Let Sookie out of her crate, but she decided to stay in anyway. This is new.

9:07pm – Finished all the bills, wow, that pile went way back to before Kaylee was born.

9:11pm – Here comes Kaylee back to life, gotta stop all other activity to get her calm.

9:20pm – No chance on getting her calm without some food, it’s been about four hours, that’s about right. Heading to the fridge for another bottle.

9:25pm – Selena called, it’s getting close to time to go pick her up. Told her I would as soon as I finished feeding Kaylee. Sounded really responsible on the phone.

9:29pm – Kaylee wolfed down the bottle, and she’s still crying.  Dilemma – Give her more bottle which will take some time to prepare or go pick up Selena?

9:31pm – Remembered that Kaylee will very likely stop crying once I get the car in motion. She has a convenient habit of zonking out in the car.  Bypassing the extra bottle, heading out to get Selena. The first night of being a single dad is over.  I certainly have a newfound respect for what Selena has been having to do all day when I go to work.

Farewell LOST

The series finale of my LOST is starting, but I want to wait about 30 minutes to watch so I can do so without commercials, so in the meantime, I think I’ll blog a few thoughts about the past seven years of my favorite show:

• Most heartfelt moment:The Desmond and Penny phone call on Christmas Eve.  Runner up, Jin joining the raft crew cause he feels he doesn’t deserve to be with Sun
• Best turnaround:Season three, which started off terrible with Jack, Kate and Sawyer captured and ended brilliantly with contacting the freighter and the introduction of flash forwards
• Most shocking twist:The switching from flashbacks to flash-forwards
• Most confusing Islanders:(Three-way tie) The Others who appeared to be a rag-tag group of lost boys but turned out to be a commune of average joes.  The Dharma Initiative that appeared to be brilliant scientists but also turned out to be a commune of average joes and the Monster that appeared to be a dinosaur and turned out to be ticking smoke.
• Most frustrating writing slip-up:The inconsistencies of who can travel on and off the island, like when Christian Shepherd visited Jack in his hospital
• Best of a bad situation:Taking our least favorite characters (Nikki and Paulo) and burying them alive.
• Worst of a bad situation:Killing off the characters Ana Lucia and Libby because the actors got a DUI on Oahu.
• Worst episode to date:The back story of Jack getting a tattoo in Thailand
• Best episode to date:The Not Penny’s Boat episode that ended Season three.

That’s enough for now if I think of any more I’ll amend later. Besides, all this could change tonight (especially the best or worst episode ever). Happy LOSTing.

Confucius say "You're grounded, Selena."

Selena is not allowed out of the house for one month, so says Confucius.

Okay, maybe it’s not a decree specifically from the ancient Chinese philosopher specifically but somewhere between his time and the beginning of the Lo Dynasty (two weeks ago) the Chinese rules for a new mom were determined.

They are:

• Drink only special Chinese tea
• Eat only special Chinese chicken soup
• Do not go outside

At first I thought these were ancients customs, good to know in that understand-your-heritage sort of way. But, no, they are being taken this very seriously.  I know because of how many people come to visit bearing chicken soup.

Selena’s dad, step-mom, aunt and uncle, her dad’s friends, and even our have dropped by to see Kaylee and brought with them the special Chinese chicken soup.

With each new guests arrival, it became clearer to me that this was a conspiracy. I have been in the dark, while the greater Chinese culture was cooking Chicken soup, mixing hot teas and getting ready for Selena’s recovery month.

And how has Selena taken to being grounded by her culture?  Pretty well. She’s been recovering from the surgery, so she’s hardly been interested in even going upstairs, much less out on the town.  Plus, she prefers warm beverages anyway, so that was no biggie. The real aspect that’s required some discipline for Selena has been the food. Chicken soup is good on occasion, but she’s had to eat quite a lot of it. When this month is over (in about two weeks), I know she’s going to be craving some good eats.

During our stay at the hospital, the nurses helped us on a variety of things including pumping, nursing and bottle feeding. Greg was actively involved and did whatever he could to help while I was in my drug-induced state. When it came time to sterilize all the equipment we were using, the nurse told Greg to soak all of it in warm water in the hospital-issued basin with a few drops of Johnson’s baby wash, then rinse.

I assumed this was because in the limited hospital room, this was the most convenient soap available. I think Greg took this to heart more. Now we are home, surrounded by every sterilizer imaginable and every soap for every purpose. I’ve noticed the Johnson’s baby wash slowly migrating out of the baby’s nursery, down the stairs, and finally settling, yesterday, in it’s new home: at the kitchen sink where the dish soap used to be.

Everything I ever knew about childbirth from school, books, movies, TV, even childbirth classes, were shot about a month ago when we found out that there was a 90% chance that we would have to deliver by C-section. I missed out on the typical going into labor, water breaking, frantic dash to the car with bags and speeding off to the hospital. I missed out on being in labor for X hours, the pushing, and finishing everything off with a baby shooting out. Instead, I had a completely different experience.

I knew exactly what day I would be delivering, and what time. That gave me weeks to be freaked out about it, not unlike Barney Stinson, waiting around for Slapsgiving. Our appointment then got postponed, because of another mother in delivery which required my doctor’s immediate attention. It was like adding an unknown number of hours to the Slapsgiving Day clock and that didn’t help.

Eventually, my doctor came in and told us they weren’t close to done with the other mother, so they could slip us in, in between. What??? No way, I thought. Take all the time you need. No need to “slip us in” and have to rush through our operation! But the wheels were already in motion (literally!) and the next hour was probably the most surreal hour of my life.

I won’t pretend I was brave about it. As soon as my hospital bed started moving, I was shaking in fear uncontrollably. Ultimately though, the most painful part of the day was an IV that went in that morning to hydrate me. The anesthesia to the spine felt like a bee sting at worst, and everything went warm from the waist down. Then a screen went up and if weren’t for my doctor actually narrating (“I see a foot! I see the butt!”) I wouldn’t have known what was going on down there. I turned to Greg at one point with a confused look and said, “I THINK I’m giving birth.”

A baby was out in less than 10 minutes. The next 30 were spent stitching me up. The whole process took no more than an hour, and felt like people pushing on my stomach at the worst. Because of this, we are convinced that after the screen went up, the doctors brought in a basket of babies, picked one out that kinda looked like us, and put it next to us. Then, to make me feel like I had done something, they futzed around with my organs a bit. Perhaps turned my intestines into a balloon animal so that it would hurt every time I went to the bathroom.

Now, I think the recovery process has been payback for all the usual pains that I missed out on with a natural delivery. That’s been slow and painful. But we also think that’s because of the balloon poodle.

Today was the big day, we went to the hospital and at 1:42 in the afternoon lil’ Kaylee Lynn Robleto was born.  Please drop a note to say hello to our new beautiful daughter either here, or on her own website:

kayleerobleto.com